Best BDSM Dating Sites For Fetish & Kinksters (2024)

You’ve decided a vanilla sex life is not for you or your partners, congratulations! Luckily for you, the internet is at your fingertips and so is access to tons of BDSM and kink dating sites and apps. As the culture is becoming more accepting of alternative lifestyles and sexual preferences the kink groups are coming out of the shadows.

TEST: Take the Free BDSM Test and find your BDSM personality archetype

Long gone is the shame and secrecy of liking a little whipping and spanking. There are giant communities of people that are into exactly what you are and are willing to play and teach alongside you. There are even huge festivals like the Folsom Street Fair where BDSM dating takes its passions to the streets. You can use many of these apps to find events, local meetings, and group sex near you.

Now as exciting as it is that BDSM dating sites and mobile apps are in abundance, unfortunately, they are not all created equal. They all have different specialties or pros and cons. We took the liberty of doing all the legwork of painstakingly trying and testing all the best options so you don’t have to. Our reviews of each site will help you find your perfect fit and have you tied up in no time.

1. Alt
2. Ashley Madison
3. Fetlife
4. Fester
5. Reddit r/BDSMpersonals
6. Fetish
7. Match BDSM
8. BDSM
9. Gay BDSM Dart
10. BDSM Date Link
11. Bondage
12. Subs and Doms
13. My BDSM Hookups

1. ALT

Read Full Review

When you begin your search for the perfect fetish dating site Fetlife is definitely one you’ll come across. with over 8 million members, FetLife is one of the largest online hubs for kinksters! Imagine Facebook but minus your grandma and plus a lot of whips, chains, and couple videos. While Facebook bosts groups for swapping antiques FetLife groups are more fetish based. These groups contain everything from water play to rope tying 101.

On FetLife you can make friends with others in the platform that share your same interests and kinks. As a couple or an individual, you can meet people on FetLife and take your relationship from online dating apps to real life. Participating in discussions will help you find people into what you’re into so this is very much encouraged.

Besides making friends and participating in discussions FetLife offers a great way to find kink events and videos. Groups you participate in might have monthly meetups or other events where you can put your kinks to the test. Meet up with the people you’ve been communicating with but be wary there may be fake profiles out there as well.

The good:

✅ Huge list of members of like-minded, sex-positive people.

✅ Access to photos and video

✅ There is a free trial available.

✅ Use FetLifte to discuss the lifestyle as well as attend events to celebrate your lifestyle.

The bad:

❌ There have been reports of fake accounts and profiles.

❌ Dating is not the only reason for the site.

❌ The interface is a bit dated but gets the job done.

Price:

Free basic account

1 Month Membership $5.00

3 Months Membership $15.00

6 Months Membership $30.00

4. Fetster

Read Full Review

According to their site, Fetster is a “BDSM free dating spirit, for users interested in BDSM, singles, personals, social networking, dates and more.” If these are the things you’re looking for Fetster might be for you.

Besides being a spot to find fetish dating Fetster also encourages education and social networking. If you’re curious or passionate about cuckolding, suspension or pleasure control Fetster has niches just for you.

One bold claim that’s enough of a reason to join Fetster is that they claim to be free forever! This includes messaging and joining groups and forums. For free you really don’t have much to lose and may as well see if this site works for you. You’ll find a BDSM dating in no time on Fetster.

One word of warning the inference of Fetster is pretty old. Don’t expect an app or an algorithm any time soon. The site is a little clumsy to navigate but once you’ve done your digging it will be worth it. There are definitely some great nuggets of information here and real users to interact with.

The good:

✅ Fetster is completely free!

✅ The platform is welcoming and happy to educate.

✅ Registration is quick and easy.

The bad:

❌ The interface is old and tricky to navigate.

❌ There is no app

❌ No live chat abilities.

Price:

FREE!

5. Reddit r/BDSMpersonals

There really isn’t much you can’t find on Reddit. From kink education to personals Reddit BDSM personals have got you covered. The BDSM hookup subreddit particularly is the ideal spot to find users to share your kinks with. The Reddit community is notorious for being helpful and welcoming. Moreover, you can also find additional recommendations for couple of dating apps and threesomes.

There are some guidelines enforced by moderators on the /BDSM personals page. These guidelines include not publicly sharing contact information (only via direct message) and only posting once a week. Being rude is not tolerated in the subreddit page and you will be removed if you try to be cruel.

Best practices for using Reddit for adult dating are to join the group. After you have done that you’ll want to set up your personals ad. Be specific about who you are and what you are looking for. Again do not disclose contact information on your post but simply ask users to DM you to contact you.

The good:

✅ Reddit is free.

✅ Many members with verified photos

✅ The community is knowledgeable and passionate

✅ Moderators keep the community held to its guidelines.

The bad:

❌ There are a ton of posts so getting yours to stand out might be tough.

❌ You can get banned if you do not adhere to the rules.

Price:

Free!

6. Fetish

If you’ve been looking for your BDSM dating and fetish utopia, then Fetish may be the place for you. When you are exploring fetish or kink sites you’ll probably find them to be all dark and intimidating, maybe a little reflective of the people involved. That shouldn’t be the case! Like with the kink and fetish culture you should feel safe and welcomed. Fetish.com offers this experience.

Fetish.com does offer some adult dating but mainly facilitates a space for members to learn about their kinks in a non judgemental way. This site does a great job of normalizing kinks in a way that we wish a lot of other sites would. The content on this site is helpful and educational rather than just a barrage of nude photos.

dating is not easy If you are not sure what your kinks are just yet thats okay. Once you set up your profile you can select from a large list (over 200+) of kinks that help you narrow down exactly what you’re into. This site does facilitate kink hookups a well. Instead of “liking” profiles, you can spank them, a cute twist on modern online dating.

You may not be sure if the dating site is a good fit for you so they do offer a ton of free access. You will need to upgrade your account to get more features like view more profiles or send messages. With the free version, you can get the general gist of the site and who uses it.

The good:

✅ Modern consumer-friendly interface

✅ Free trial and reasonable upgrade cost

✅ A great resource for education on the kink culture as well as dating.

The bad:

❌ You do need to upgrade for all the features.

❌ There is no apps

❌ You will need to verify an email to use the site.

Price:

Free for many of the features

1 Month $18.77

3 Months $13.24 per month

6 Months $11 per month

7. Match BDSM

MatchBDSM is a site created just to help people in the kink culture explore other members in their area. While Match.com is a widely successful dating site Match BDSM is not related. This site actually seems to have a fairly small following with not too much information on the web. This is not entirely uncommon for fetish dating sites as the like to fly under the radar but something to think about.

This dating site is extremely inclusive. Not only are they open to all genders and sexual orientations but they are also open if you are a couple or singles alike. The site has a huge offering of kinks to select from so chances are yours will be included and you can find others that love that as well.

Unlike a lot of the sites listed MatchBDSM does offer an algorithm experience where they actually pair you with someone. As opposed to just giving you a list of members and expecting you to find someone. This site is mobile friendly and easy to use from your phone or desktop but there is no mobile app yet.

The good:

✅ Algorithmic matching

✅ It is extremely inclusive BDSM community

✅ Group chat abilities

The bad:

❌ No educational forums

❌ Profiles are quick to set up but not thoroughly prepared.

❌ The site is still growing but fairly small right now

Price:

3 Day Trial $6.37

1 Month Membership $23.80/ month

3 Month Membership $10.64/month

8. BDSM

BDSM.com is owned by the same online adult media giants that own Alt.com. If choosing between the two BDSM.com seems to be the better choice with reports of a less ad-heavy spammy experience than what you might find on Alt.com.

Still, keep your wits about you as you use any of these adult dating sites. Common sense will go along way in this space. Make sure you are protecting your identity and looking out for red flags.

On BDSM there is a free trial but you really don’t get much from it. You can read their magazine and thats about it. To get access to profiles and chatrooms you will have to pay. Be aware that many women may be paid to interact with you as well. You can use your ALT login to login to BDSM as well so you really get two sites for one.

The good:

✅ Free trial with limited abilities

✅ Fewer ads and spam than other sites

✅ Easy to set up profiles

The bad:

❌ Reports of fake accounts

❌ You have to pay to see profiles

❌ Some women are paid to interact with you.

Price:

Free account

1 Month Gold $29.95

3 Months Gold $14.99/ Month

12 Months Gold $8.95/ Month

9. Gay BDSM Date

GayBDSMDate.com, as the name describes, is a BDSM site specifically for the gay online community. While a lot of kink app and fetish sites are inclusive by being on a site that has straight members that you know you will not be interested in there is a lot of clutter. With this site, you only have people of your sexual orientation.

GayBDSMDate is a pretty open site where pretty much anything goes. You’ll find this site is a lot less tame than sites that cater to straight couples. There are chatrooms that are unmoderated so anything goes as well as webcam shows.

One great feature of this site is that the free trial does have some pretty great capabilities. You won’t need to upgrade until you’ve got a good feel for the experience. Upgrading does vary in cost but we will cover that further down.

The good:

✅ The community is gay only.

✅ You can join forums on any topic you want.

✅ There is webcam functionality

The bad:

❌ There is no app, just online dating

❌ Prices do vary

❌ Not everyone is local

Price:

There is a robust free trial but upgrades cost between $20 – $30 a month depending on what offer you receive.

10. BDSM Date Link

If BDSM is your kink of choice, this is the place to find like-minded people. BDSMdatelink.com is primarily a site used by BDSM lovers to find kinky connections. With this site, you can rest easy knowing everybody is on the same page

BDSMdatelink.com offers 24/7 live chat so you can get kinky whenever your heart desires. Once you create your free account, you can start scrolling through profiles. I have to say, I was quite impressed by how many women were on the site. Better yet, theseladies are not shy about showing off their beautiful assets right on their profiles.

I highly recommend this site to anyone who is seeking a partner for all their BDSM related activities. You can easily find people in your city who love to get down and dirty. The only downside to this site is that the free features are pretty limited. You’ll have to upgrade access to all of the chat and email features.

The good:

✅ High woman to man ratio

✅ Lots of active users

✅ Caters to BDSM

The bad:

❌ Free features are limited

❌ Lots of ads

❌ Some bot accounts

Price:

1-month for $29.86

3-months for $14.72 per month

1-year for $9.86 per month

 

11. Bondage

Bondage.com is more than just a kinky dating site. This website is all about finding and creating an online community just for the fetish community. There’s a huge user base of active users who are all seeking a genuine connection with other kinky individuals

One of the coolest things about Bondage.com is the ability to create or join online kinky clubs. Some of the most popular groups on this site are The GangBang Underground, and Degradation and Debauchery. You get the idea here. These folks are kinky and proud of it.

If you’re looking for an inclusive website where you can have a lot of fun, Bondage.com is absolutely awesome. I would recommend this site to both beginners and experienced kinksters.

The good:

✅ Extremely active online community

✅ Lots of BDSM content

✅ Great for learning about bondage

The bad:

❌ You have to pay to contact members

❌ Watch out for catfish

Price:

1-month for $26.95

3-months for $14.99 per month

12-months for $8.33 per month

 

12. Subs and Doms

What many people are not aware of is that BDSM actually encompasses a ton of different kinks. There are people who are into bondage specifically, and others who are into the sub/dom relationship dynamic. Well, for those of you who fall into the latter group, this website will really get you going.

Subs-and-doms.com was made specifically for people searching for a sub or dom match in their area. Oftentimes people in this community struggle to find the best match for their needs, and this website can really help you out in that arena. This site is great for men, women, and transgender people who are looking for a mistress, master, or sub.

The good:

✅ Its specifically for people seeking masters, mistresses, and subs

✅ User-friendly site

✅ Highly informative

✅ Great for long and short-term relationships

The bad:

❌ Premium packages are expensive

❌ The sign-up process is long

Price:

1-month for $35.96 per month

3-months for $28.48 per month

12-months for $17.34 per month

 

13. My BDSM Hookups

Mybdsmhookups.com is another site that is going to be music to your kinky ears. This site offers a ton of free features for those of you who want to learn more about BDSM and other fetishes. The website is clean and easy to navigate with lots of fun features

This site has a lot of active users so it’s easy to find other kinky individuals to chat with. There are also a ton of interactive forums where you can learn about specific kinks, chat with other users, and join in on discussions.

You can also use this site to find events and parties in your area. For instance, I went to the forum section of the site and found several forums dedicated to kinky meetups, gay clubs, and swinger’s parties just to name a few. This site is perfect for those of you who are ready to dive headfirst into the world of kink and fetish.

The good:

✅ Highly interactive community

✅ Find parties and events for kinks

✅ Inclusive of all relationship types

The bad:

❌ Inclusive of all relationship types

❌ It’s pricier than other options

Price:

1-month for $35.96 per month

3-months for $28.48 per month

12-months for $17.34 per month

What Is BDSM?

BDSM or bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism, is a consensual often sexual relationship between two people where a power exchange has occurred. One person is considered the subordinate while the other is dominant. The foundation of BDSM dating is trust. People engaging in this kink are giving their partner the power to hurt them but trusting that they won’t.

In BDSM play there can be bondage play, where one partner is restrained by the other often by silk-ties or cuffs. There is discipline where the dom sets up rules for their sub to follow. These rules can be punishable to whatever degree the dom and sub agree to. The S/M or sadomasochism is sometimes hard for people to understand. Sadomasochists receive pleasure from giving or receiving pain. Pain can often lead to intense pleasure and a deepened bond between practitioners.

LIST: Sub Punishments: How to Use BDSM Punishment for Subs (Categories and Ideas)

Now, let’s get into our top fetish dating sites and some apps so you can find your tribe and let the good times roll.

Safety Tips for BDSM Apps and Sites

Staying safe while using BDSM apps involves a combination of personal vigilance, privacy measures, and adhering to community guidelines. Here are some tips to help you navigate these platforms securely:

1. Protect Your Privacy: Use a unique username that doesn’t reveal your real name or personal information. Be cautious about the details you share in your profile or with others, especially before establishing trust.
2. Verify Identities: Many BDSM communities encourage or require identity verification. If possible, engage only with verified users. You can also look for mutual connections or community vouching systems that add an extra layer of trust.
3. Trust and Communication: Before meeting anyone, have clear, open conversations about your boundaries, safe words, and expectations. This discussion should also cover consent and any hard limits you have.
4. Public First Meetings: When meeting someone for the first time, choose a public place. Inform a friend of your whereabouts and consider setting up a safe call—a scheduled check-in with a friend at a specific time to confirm your safety.
5. Listen to Your Gut: If something feels off, trust your instincts. Don’t feel pressured to proceed with any meet-ups or interactions if you’re uncomfortable. It’s okay to back out or block users who make you feel unsafe.
6. Educate Yourself: Familiarize yourself with the norms, terminologies, and safety practices within the BDSM community. Knowledge is power, and being informed can help you navigate interactions more safely.
7. Use the App’s or Site’s Features: Take advantage of any safety features the app provides, such as blocking, reporting, and privacy settings. These tools are there to help you manage who can see your profile and contact you.
8. Safe Practices Agreement: If you decide to engage in any BDSM activities, agree on safe practices beforehand, including the use of protection, clean equipment, and any measures related to COVID-19 if applicable.
9. Aftercare: Discuss and ensure aftercare, the practice of attending to one another’s emotional and physical needs after a BDSM scene, is part of your plan. This is crucial for the well-being of all parties involved.
10. Keep Learning: Platforms and social norms evolve, so keep up with any updates or changes in community guidelines and safety tips related to BDSM dating and apps.

By following these guidelines, you can help ensure a safer and more enjoyable experience as you explore BDSM communities and connections online.

Related Readings

Best Swinger Sites for Couples

Best BDSM Dating Sites

Best Swinger Dating Sites

Conclusion: How to Choose the Best BDSM Dating Sites?

The exploration of BDSM and kink is not just about pushing boundaries; it’s about discovering a community that celebrates diversity in sexual preferences and relationships.

With the wealth of BDSM and kink dating sites and apps reviewed here, from ALT to Mybdsmhookups.com, there’s a platform for every preference and kink, whether you’re new to the scene or an experienced practitioner. These platforms offer a safe and welcoming environment for individuals to explore their desires, connect with like-minded people, and learn more about the lifestyle.

Remember, the cornerstone of BDSM is consent, communication, and trust, ensuring that all parties feel safe and respected. So, whether you’re looking to dive into the lifestyle, find events, or just explore your kinks, these sites provide the perfect starting point to explore your desires and connect with a vibrant and supportive community.